


The Case Of Happy Ryuji

by Masky_Writer



Category: Persona 5
Genre: ADHD Ryuji Sakamoto, ADHD headcanon, Autistic Kitagawa Yusuke, Autistic Sakura Futaba, Childhood Trauma, Use of the R Slur, autistic headcanon, half of this is me just projecting onto Ryuji, i lovingly refer to these three as the spectrum squad, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22256458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masky_Writer/pseuds/Masky_Writer
Summary: Ryuji Sakamoto was a lot of things. Mostly things his dad told him he was. A freak, an alien, a pain in the ass.But the one thing he wasn’t, was happy.Because Happy Ryuji is weird. And he’s so tired of being hurt for being weird.(A compilation of a bunch of ADHD Ryuji content featuring autistic Futaba and autistic Yusuke cause it’s my story I do what I want)
Comments: 17
Kudos: 111





	1. Ryuji’s Many Likes

**Author's Note:**

> This is just me wanting to project onto my boy I’ll fully admit that.

Ryuji likes to bounce. He likes it when he can do it to music, like his favorite anime openings or credits themes. He likes to stand in front of the tv, smile as wide as he can because it makes his face feel good, and bounce on his heels as he nods his head to the music.   
Sometimes he gets too excited and starts loudly jumping in place with vigor. When his mom is there, she’d just laugh along with him, even join him if she felt good enough. She smiled and laughed, which made Ryuji laugh, and they’d both fall back into a pile of giggles as his mom held him close and brushed her fingers through his hair. 

Ryuji liked to knock his head. Not the way he dad did, no. He didn’t like being punched in the head. He didn’t like that at all.  
He liked taking the bottom of his palm and firmly knocking it against his head. Especially if he needed to remember something. He would knock over and over again on his forehead and mutter what he needed to remember so he wouldn’t forget. 

Ryuji liked pressure. He liked firm hugs, and heavy blankets. He liked piling things on top of him. He liked when cats laid on his chest and stomach because it was a weight and he liked that weight. 

Before, his dad would press his hands on his tummy and chest and let Ryuji relax like that. Because his dad had big hands and it felt nice to be pushed down, firmly but not painfully, by the man in his lap. 

Before, his dad would come home and see his son and his wife bouncing up a storm in the living room. Catch his son waving his hands furiously and laughing and grinning and he would just watch with quiet glee because his family looked so happy. 

Before, his dad would drape a heavy blanket around Ryuji’s tiny shoulders when he’d be broken down into shuttering sobs and angrily slamming his fist into his head, and he would sit with him and wait for the meltdown to end. He would sit and watch and wait, no matter where it happened, no matter how tired he was, no matter what. He was a wall to his son. A shield. Someone who could protect him. 

...why did all of that have to change?

Now when Ryuji wanted to bounce, he’d remember the angry shouting, the insults being thrown. “Retarded” was a favorite of his dad, and even though he used it all the time it still hurt the blonde to this day. 

Now when he wanted to knock his head, he’d push his wrist down as hard as he could to avoid it. Because he didn’t want his dad coming in, finding him, and saying with glee. “Oh? You wanna do that now? Here, lemme show you how to really do it!” And watch him leave with a throbbing headache and new bruises forming. 

Now when he wanted pressure, he’d deny himself. He didn’t want his dad to see him piling blanket after blanket on top of himself and slam his foot into Ryuji’s chest, making him choke and his nerves set on fire as he threatened to give him enough “pressure” to feel for an eternity. 

Now when he wanted to be happy, to express his joy, he’d shove every odd part of himself deep down inside of him and try to express it like a “normal person”. 

He’d smile with careful pressure on his teeth, not the tight grip he usually had. 

He’d hug people, tight but not too tight, not the way he wanted to. He always felt it was too gentle. 

He’d try to avoid anime out right, because no matter how happy it made him, he knew he’d spiral into jumping and bouncing and waving his hands and he’s too scared to try and do it again. Especially around his new friends. 

The only thing he does now is bounce his leg and read books about pirates and ships around his friends. Because to him, it’s subtle enough to get away with.   
To him it’s easy to bounce when it’s just one part of yourself and you don’t jostle the table. It’s easy to like the thing you like, and love it even more, when you read it but don’t make a big fuss over it. 

It’s easy when you suppress yourself. When you hide yourself. When you shove yourself so far down your throat you forget what you’re actually like. 

And that’s what Ryuji does. Because if he does, then he won’t be hurt. And he’s so tired of being hurt.


	2. Pirates, Anime, and Inaccuracies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuji loved anime. And after summoning Kidd, a new fixation formed. Pirates. 
> 
> So of course when an anime focused entirely on pirates came out, Ryuji gleefully watched it all, even with all the inaccuracies.
> 
> But unfortunately, he can’t push himself down far enough to stop Happy Ryuji from making his first appearance.

The day Ryuji finally threw caution to the wind and let a little piece of himself slip in front of the Phantom Thieves is the day he wants to fully disappear. 

He didn’t mean to. He didn’t. But they were talking about an anime he liked a lot, a new one with pirates and he liked to compare it to real pirates in his private time, and he didn’t mean to but the floodgate opened and he spilled everything. 

He started going on and on about pirates, their rich history and the types of boats they used and how they’re not accurate in the show but it’s nice to see the look, and during it all he started bouncing on his heels and waving his hands in such an excited way Akira had to take a step back so he didn’t get accidentally slapped. 

By the time he was coming down from his little “happiness high”, he became very aware of his friends wide eyes on him, which made him wilt immediately. 

He’s so stupid. So, so stupid. He shouldn’t have done that. He should’ve just blocked out the noise and avoided his own happiness, but now he can’t. He’s too far in. He did the one thing he told himself to never do around his friends. 

He showed him what it means to be “Happy Ryuji”. The Ryuji that got beat and shoved and hurt and yelled at and called retarded when he expressed himself. 

He just stands, fists clenched at his sides in a desperate attempt to not knock his head, and waits for the insults to pour. Just like the track team. Just like Kamoshida. Just like his dad. 

“That’s actually really interesting, Ryuji.”

A familiar smooth voice breaks him out of his fearful state into one of shock as he looks over at the offender. 

Yusuke, with a rare, rare smile on his face, told him his interest was...well, interesting.

Then suddenly, Futaba jumps in with a grin on her face. “Yeah! I didn’t know there were so many inaccuracies in the show! Then again, I don’t know that much about pirates.”

He looks around, shoulders tense and fingers so curled tightly into fists at his friends. 

They’re all looking at him with a look of being impressed, maybe even amazed at all he knows, and curiosity. They want to learn more. 

They want to hear him talk more about it. 

Immediately, a happy tingle runs up his spine and down to his legs and he can’t stop himself from bouncing on his heels once again. His left leg is yelling at him that he’ll make him regret this in the morning, but he doesn’t care. He just cares about the happy faces his friends seem to have over him being happy. 

“Yeah! There’s tons of ‘em, actually! Like in episode three, where they make the cannonballs, they don’t actually make them right!” 

And their curiosity is peaked, and Ryuji is letting his hands wave furiously in happiness as he spills every lick of information about pirates he knows. And he bounces on his heels and lets himself smile and finally, finally lets himself be himself around his friends. 

He shows them a small portion of Happy Ryuji, and they accepted it all with open arms. 

He wants to show them more about himself now.


	3. An Empty Book Being Filled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryuji knew the word of his diagnosis. ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. But for the life of him he never knew what it really meant.
> 
> It was a word. It was used to describe his brain. But that’s it.
> 
> Finally, he has someone fill in the blanks.

“So, Ryuji. Are you autistic?”

The blunt question makes Ryuji choke on his soda, quickly pounding his chest as he coughs up the liquid that went down the wrong tube.  
Looking over at the offender, Futaba sits next to him as usual, crouched over with her arms hugging her knees to her chest, and she just stares with curiosity. 

“Autistic?” God he must sound so stupid. “I...I don’t think so? I got diagnosed with ADHD as a kid but-“

He’s cut off by an affirming hum from the hacker. “Yep. You’re part of the spectrum.”

That makes him blink. “Spectrum? There’s a spectrum?”

Futaba just smiles, excited, and nods quickly, orange hair flying. “Yeah! Autism isn’t just one thing. It’s a whole slew of different neurodivergencies!”

And she goes on and on and on, filling Ryuji’s head with information about the spectrum and being autistic and how ADHD fits with the spectrum and he sits, listening intently, because he doesn’t want to lose this information.  
Halfway through he starts repeating things and knocking his forehead just to make sure he doesn’t forget, but Futaba doesn’t say anything about it. She just keeps talking as if he’s not doing anything weird. 

It feels...nice, to sit there and knock his head and bounce his leg and finally be informed as to what he really is. What the term he’s been slammed with really means.  
It’s like words finally filling in the blank pages of his brain in a book simply labeled “Why Am I Like This?”, and it’s satisfying to watch the words fill in. 

By the time Futaba’s done, Ryuji’s smile is huge. “So...I’m not some kinda freak? This is...all of this is normal for me?”

And the relief in his tone when Futaba nods makes the hacker want to go back in time and shove her fist down his fathers throat for making him feel this way. 

Their conversation topic twists when Futaba’s phone dings and they both learn of a brand new game releasing soon, one about a topic both of them like. The supernatural.  
Excited and curious and skeptical all rolled into one, the two take to talking furiously about this new game. Hands are flying, people are pacing, Ryuji gets to watch Futaba rock back and forth as she excitedly tugs on her hair while Futaba gets to watch Ryuji slam out of his chair and just start jumping in place, arms flailing beside him. 

And for once Ryuji feels completely, and totally safe to be himself. In the small room of Futaba Sakura, Ryuji lets himself be.  
No fear of his dad showing up. No fear of being ridiculed. No fear of being rejected or hated or called names. 

Ryuji shows Futaba what it means when he’s happy, and she takes all of it with glee. 

By the time Ryuji leaves the Sakura household, giving Boss a polite grin before waving to Futaba as he leaves, he can’t stop himself from ignoring the pain it’ll put him through the next day and running to the station to catch his train.  
The wind on his face makes him smile, and the tickling feeling of his hair, as short as it is, being pushed back makes him laugh gleefully. 

Before he would suppress this, but now? He’s too happy to care who sees him like this. 

He’s fully in it. Fully delved deep into Happy Ryuji. And it makes his entire body feel content. Which makes him content. 

Which makes him just so damn happy.


End file.
